I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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