im having a threesome with these popsicles
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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