I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize