he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
