pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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