Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
