I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
