After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
