I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I look better un-naked...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize