What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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