Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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