The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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