She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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