New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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