it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
