Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
