didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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