Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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