guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
false alarm. still invincible.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
