This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize