I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We had sex on a dog bed..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
