I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
