no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize