I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
