haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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