After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
