i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
