Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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