So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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