This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
