I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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