i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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