I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
