After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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