well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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