Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
