he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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