I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
