Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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