So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I need a hoe opinion
go on
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
