I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize