They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
