I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
