I need help removing her.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize