the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
