Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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