Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
