What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
