My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
