He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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