I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
