So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
