You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
