my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
