Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
