he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
