Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
