My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
