Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
this just has baby written all over it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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