She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
