I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
