It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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