Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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