the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
