We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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