there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize