you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
