Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
