How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
