I molested 6 butterflies tonight
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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