Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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