This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
